Full circle

Today, as I was walking home from the grocery store the ground shook slightly under my feet and I realized that I hardly even notice those tremblors anymore. I've become so accustomed to their regular occurrence that I almost find them as ordinary as shopping for groceries. Although actually, they're just as extraordinary as looking up from my daily walk only to have my gaze meet the snowcovered top of a volcano. That view always makes me appreciate how incredible this world really is. 

Last weekend was filled with wonder as my friends and I decided to go and visit the village of Quilotoa and its associated crater. The rain was pouring down when we first arrived but it stopped eventually and we were able to walk down to the bottom of the crater just as the sun set and the moon came out. It was an enchanted evening, wandering around the inside of a volcanic crater in the moonlight and then falling asleep under a thick blanket next to the fireplace at our hostel. 

Laguna de Quilotoa

The next morning, we woke up early to hike around the crater. It's a trek that goes up and down, down and up... not unlike my life here! It looks easy before you start but once you're on the path there will be times when you wonder if you're ever going to make it all the way around. In some places it's hard to see the trail, there's no safety net and some of those stubborn hills are absolutely brutal. But then again, I can't tell you how amazing it is to reach the top and breathe in the magic of it all. Minerals make the water shift in color from blue to green and the stunning view makes your heart skip a beat. It's definitely worth the climb. 

The hike around the crater takes about six hours and somewhere halfway I started guessing which one was going to be our ultimate uphill.

This has to be the last one, I said at least ten times to my worn out friends. It looks really steep but once we're over this one the rest will be easy. I promise. 

Nevertheless, I was wrong every time. As soon as we got across one hill, there was an even steeper one waiting for us on the other side. Eventually, I stopped guessing and walked on in silence instead, allthewhile reflecting on life. It never gets easy, does it? Some steps are always going to be hard but once you get going all you really have to do is just put one foot in front of the other. Pretty soon, the hike will be complete and you will find your tired but happy self right back where you started. Your feet may be touching familiar ground again but something inside of you has shifted. And that shift changes everything. 

A year ago, I decided that I would go to South America in 2016 and here I am, with no regrets. Despite the uphills battles, I can honestly say that coming to Ecuador was the best decision I ever made. The year is about to end, the ground has stopped shaking (at least for now) and my heart is content. The circle is full. 

Even so, my only wish is that you were here to share the magic with me. That's all I want for Christmas this year.

Time to spread the eagle wings and fly

What no one tells you about living abroad

So you're about to embark on an adventure and you think you're all set. You've read the guidebooks, you've talked to people who've gone on similar explorations and you've prepared yourself as much as you possibly can. You know it will be different - the food won't taste the same, things won't work the way you're used to and you will have to adapt to a new home, a new lifestyle and new surroundings. But no matter how ready you think you are, there are certain things that no guide book and no other traveler can prepare you for.

1. How easy it is to make new friends

Within two days of arriving in Ecuador, I already had eleven new friends. Sure, we were all there for the same reason (to survive the Celta course), we had things in common (leaving our native countries to teach abroad) and on top of that, we spent every day together for the next five weeks so it was fairly easy for us to bond. But everywhere I've gone since then, I've had the same experience. Nice, friendly people come and go and as soon as one person leaves, another one arrives, usually in the company of ten others who are also more than happy to hang out, talk and become friends. For a night, for a month, for a year or for a lifetime. The time doesn't really matter but what I've learnt is that every goodbye always brings with it a new hello. That being said, no new friend could ever replace an old one and everyone I meet along the road enriches my journey in some special way. 

My first friends in Ecuador

2. How exhausting it is to learn a new language

I love foreign languages so much that I've made a whole career out of teaching them and sharing this passion with my students. I never had any interest in learning the second official language of my country but I would spend hours hunched over French novels, singing along to Latin music or repeating the colloquial words that make the German language so interesting. So it was only natural that one of my motives for coming to South America was to improve my Spanish, a language that makes me so inexplicably happy. And it certainly has improved during my time here. I'm learning new words every day and understanding people gets easier and easier. Still, there are times when I get frustrated because I just can't find the right way to express what I want to say. When I'm tired, everyone around me seems to speak faster and faster and I can't keep up. I miss parts stories that I would love to hear and therefore don't know how to respond. Then, I call home and suddenly I can't find the words in my own mother tongue either. I know they are there somewhere but it's like looking for a black nail in a black hole - simply impossible. Two days later, the correct expression will come to me, whether it's in Spanish, Swedish or English but by then, the moment is gone. 

Lost in translation

3. How exciting it is to learn about a new culture

Everyone I meet here, from taxi drivers to co-workers to friends of friends, wants to know the following things:

• Where are you from?
• Did you come here alone?
• How old are you?
• Are you married? 
• Do you have children? 
• Do you have a boyfriend? 
• Can I have your phone number and/or your Facebook? 

In the beginning, I was a bit offended. I come from a culture where it's considered inappropriate to ask intrusive questions when you first meet someone. Nevertheless, I'm quite used to it by now and normally I happily engage in the conversation, asking the same questions back. Like my Swiss friend always says, us Europeans are ashamed of so many things for absolutely no reason. Why would it be embarrassing to tell someone your age? It's just a number after all.

Another thing that fascinates me in this country is the transportation. The buses are a mystery that I just can't figure out. On long distance buses you sometimes get salsa music as entertainment, which can be quite nice. Other times it's a violent karate movie. I've yet to watch any other kind of movie on the bus here, even if it's 6 a.m. and most passengers would prefer to sleep. Trying to catch the local buses is an adventure in itself, with the key word being catch. More often than not, you have to run alongside the bus, grab hold of the door and swing yourself on board.

On the other hand, something that I've come to love over here are the words of affection which are used in all contexts and applied to pretty much anyone you come in contact with. Ask a guy on the street for directions and he will somehow manage to call you mi amor, mi vida, mi corazon (my love, my life, my heart) all in one sentence. Taxi drivers will call you linda (beautiful) and saleswomen will address you as amiga (friend) or hermana (sister). The same words are also used for the people that you actually feel that way about so the closeness of the relationship doesn't seem to matter. At first, it made me wonder how much those words really mean if we go around saying them to any random person but after four months here I've stopped analyzing and just enjoy it. 

4. How much you will learn about yourself

I used to think that I liked spending time alone but what I've come to realize is that instead of creating space for myself, I was building walls to keep other people out. Here, I've learnt to live with no walls and no boundaries. I have absolutely no control over who comes into my life or who leaves, which makes me extremely vulnerable but I actually prefer it that way. It makes me feel more alive and I'd much rather live with a broken heart than a closed one. 

So far on this journey, I've learnt that I'm a woman of contradiction. I'm mostly calm on the outside even though tornadoes may rage on the inside. I can't sit still for too long but moving around too much wears me out. I always think of others but get annoyed when they don't think of me. I fear commitment but despair when the other person won't commit. I want to settle down but can't wait to travel more. I hate planning but get upset when plans change. In any case, the most valuable lesson that I've gained is probably the insight that I don't have to be one or the other, it's okay for me to be both.

5. How it will all be worth it in the end

I will never forget the day that I was first introduced to chilimoya and maracuya. It's unfathomable to me that I lived for 35 years without knowing the taste of these delicious fruits. Nor will I ever forget the feeling of freedom that I had while dangling in a parachute above the ocean. Or the excitement I experienced when a humpback whale jumped out of the water right in front of me. Or that moment when I finally dared to open my eyes on the bus only to realize that I was somewhere high above the clouds, right on the edge of a narrow mountain road. So close to death but so, so alive. And the stories. The endless stories of people so willing to share things about their lives. As my Cuban friend always says, cada persona es un mundo (every person is a world) and we have so much to learn from each other. 

Those of you who are teachers will understand what it's like to first struggle with a student in your class and then have that same kid come up to you in the break, wrap his little arms around you and tell you that you are the best teacher in the whole wide world. You know that feeling? That's what expat life is like sometimes. It can be such an uphill battle but my god, it's worth it. And to me, this adventure is by far the most amazing teacher I've ever had. Not least because it has shown me that the most difficult hikes are often the ones that lead to the most beautiful views. 

Illustration by one of my wonderful new friends, the talented Betsy Alvarez del Castillo 

5 days to change a life

Last week I lost my words. I tried to speak and I tried to write but nothing came out. There were so many things happening around me and so much to take in that I suddenly became incapable of forming sentences. Now that I've had a couple of days to process, the words are slowly returning but I still don't know how to fully describe what I've seen, what I've felt and what I've learned. So to make it a little bit easier, I'll include some pictures that hopefully say more than a thousand words.

Photo by Soda/Lime.

Last Friday I was fortunate enough to meet up with a group of superheroes in yoga pants. I call them that because not only do they radiate love and light, they also show up every day asking these two questions: 

How can I be of service? What can I do today to make this world a better place? 

I feel so immensely grateful that I got to share five days with this powerful group of people. We were all there because we had chosen to go on a mission trip with 109 World, an organization that uses social media to do good and create positive change. Their mission trips include daily yoga but mostly, it's about changing the world. Each trip is combined with a social and environmental cause and all profits go to support projects in the local communities where they take place. Ever since 109 World started I have been in awe of their work and always dreamed of going on one of their mission trips. So it seemed like faith when they announced that they would be in Ecuador just a few weeks after my CELTA course ended. This time the mission was to help children who had been affected by the earthquake that struck the coast of Ecuador in April 2016. Many of these children lost their families and their homes and they are still in desperate need of water, sanitation, education, protection and loving support. The cause deeply touched my teacher heart and I also wanted to do something to give back to this amazing country that has given me so much.

7.8 was the magnitude of the earthquake

During the trip, we got to stay at Las Tanusas in Puerto Cayo which is a completely magical place. And yet this magic has little to do with the white sandy beaches, the crystal blue ocean and the swaying palm trees. It's all thanks to its owner, Rodrigo, who is one of the kindest, most inspiring and genuine people I've ever met. The generosity of his heart is simply indescribable. Not only does he run the resort and take care of his family, he is also the founder of Proyecto Amor 7.8, an organization that was created soon after the earthquake happened. Proyecto Amor 7.8 provides the victims with immediate help but on top of that, the long-term aim is to create a sustainable and healthy community.

These bracelets are made by victims of the earthquake; they cost $7.80 and profits go to support the children.

We also got to visit and work in La Finca, the garden that provides the hotel with vegetables, fruits and herbs and later on, we got to bring some of that food to the people living in tents on the streets of Manta. We were all a bit concerned about how we would react when we saw the devastation of the earthquake but Rodrigo told us that the most important thing is to always keep a smile on our face. Our job is not to bring more sadness to the people who have already lost so much, our job is to bring them hope. And as much as the sight of broken homes weighed heavily on our hearts, no one had to force a smile. We were greeted with so much joy and gratitude that the happiness quickly spread. 

Working in la Finca

Earthquake aftermath

Some of the amazing people that we met

Last but not least, we got to take part in the community work that will provide the children and their families with education, sanitation and a healthy environment. We shoveled mud, picked up trash, planted mango trees and played with the kids whose shining light was so bright and so contagious that we all felt like children again. It made us realize that life is not so much about what happens to you but more about what you do with it and how you react to it. Even when you have nothing you can still run around, laugh, play and simply share joy with other people.

Now, a couple of days later, my hands and my clothes are still a bit muddy but my heart has been uplifted. It's funny to think that I wanted to go on this trip to change lives but in the end, the life that really changed was actually mine.

Planting mango trees. Photo by Soda/Lime.

Shaking hips on shaky grounds

I've been thinking about reality versus social media this week. What's really behind all the colorful Instagram-pictures and cheerful status updates? In fact, most of the time our social media image is probably quite far from who we truly are. My truth is that whenever I manage to get away from school for an hour or two, I go for a hike or stroll into town and take lots of pictures that I later publish throughout the week. This is not meant to create an illusion of some kind of sunny life spent on beaches, it is simply because right now my reality consists of in-put sessions, lesson planning, teaching, written tasks and not much else. We often work for about 10 hours a day and spend our weekends writing assignments that are due Monday morning at 9 a.m.

As I've mentioned before, the Celta course is extremely intense and requires a lot of hard work but what I've come to realize is that I honestly love every minute of it. I'd be lying if I said that I jump out of bed with excitement every morning but the truth is that I don't want to crawl back under the covers and sleep for another month either, which was often the case back home. Here, I wake up knowing there's a delicious breakfast waiting for me and that I get to share the rest of my day with wonderful people. And I never, ever get bored during the day, there's just so much to learn and take in. 

That being said, I'm always happy to escape the Celta world occasionally so this Saturday we decided to go dancing. We started off with a round of cocktails and then entered the Montañita madness that this place turns into on the weekends. The clubs are full of people dancing their hearts out, shaking their hips, kissing, singing, laughing, drinking and including everyone in a Macarena choreography or a bunny hop tour around the dance floor. Their joie de vivre is totally contagious and we ended up staying out the whole night making new friends and forgetting all about our assignments.

Sunday night, a yin yoga class at Estudio Casa del Sol seemed like the perfect way to end the week. The class takes place in a room full of people but even so it's all about you, yourself and your mat. There are candle lights, essential oils and words of wisdom. Deep stretches for the body and long moments of silence for the mind. A chance to listen to that inner voice and try to understand what it's trying to say. Where does it want you to go? What does it want you to do? And most importantly, who does it want you to be?

Edit: I had just finished this text and was going to switch off my computer and go to bed when, suddenly, the ground started shaking. The night guard came running, telling all of us to get out of our cabanas immediately and gather outside by the pool. Apparently, another earth quake was happening in Esmeraldas, relatively far from Montañita. We are fine and after about half an hour or so we were allowed to go back in. As I'm writing this I can still feel the earth moving beneath me and it's a little scary, kind of like being out on a boat in stormy weather. But I will turn off my light now and trust that the peaceful feeling I had after yoga class will come back and help me fall asleep.

Everything will be alright.

Between a mountain and an ocean

One of my favorite things about the yoga classes here in Montañita is that instead of using left and right for directions the instructors say:

Turn to the mountain-side or Turn to the ocean-side. 

Even though it's only temporarily, I feel so lucky that I get to live in a place that is situated right between majestic mountains standing firmly on the ground on one side and a vast ocean opening up to endless possibilities on the other. This is where I am right now. Soon I will have to choose whether I want to climb or swim but for now I'm comfortable here, somewhere in between. 

Another week has gone by and yet again it was spent mostly studying, writing and teaching. Still, I feel more alive than I have done for a long time, which is exactly why I needed to get away from my routines back home.  Every day there I would just long to travel, discover and try new things. Every day here, I learn something about the world, about others and about myself. 

Today we went paragliding and as we ran off the mountain and sailed above the ocean I felt so many things. My feet were dangling in the air, far off the ground and yet I felt grounded. I had no control over anything and yet I felt safe. I was tied up to a harness and yet I felt free.

Thank you Ecuador for fixing my broken wings and for teaching me how to let go. 

An open letter of gratitude

I recently read somewhere that feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping up a present and then not giving it. So this is my way of saying thank you to some of the beautiful souls that inspired me to start this journey. 

One year ago, I went on a yoga retreat to Koh Phangan in Thailand, a place known for its healing powers and its infamous full moon parties. I was looking forward to a few weeks of beach life, sunshine and yoga, but I really had no idea just how much those weeks in the jungle would change my life. At first, I was extremely uncomfortable. It was hot and humid and there was a gecko in my bathroom that would stare at me every time I came in to take a shower. However, already on the second day of the retreat I noticed a shift in my energy. I started to feel a connection not only to the beautiful nature and wildlife surrounding us but also to the other people in my group. We were all strangers from different parts of the world who had landed here on this funny little island and I believe we were all meant to be there at exactly that time.

I got to know so many brave, inspiring people who had left their settled lives behind just to travel the world, unsure of where they were going next or even what they were looking for, just knowing that they wanted something more out of life, something different. They were all so witty and bright and so unafraid to open up their hearts and speak their truths. I learned something from each and everyone on that retreat and I'm so thankful that our paths crossed right there and then.

During those short weeks at Pure Flow Yoga, we practiced and improved our downward-facing dogs, warriors, and headstands but we also learned the importance of gratitude, for the good as well as for the bad, and perhaps most importantly, we were taught how to love ourselves.

One night, during a discussion under the full moonlight, I learned that if your fridge is full of healthy food, you won't be tempted when someone walks by with pizza. In other words, if you have love for yourself, you won't need to depend on anyone else because you already have everything you need. That being said, you may still want to accept what others are offering you (be that love or pizza or both) but if so it will be by choice, not necessity.

I also learned that being cynical is a waste of time. It was just a random comment thrown out after one of our meditation sessions but I heard it. I really, really heard it. From that moment on, I began dedicating my yoga practice to the man who had bruised my heart prior to the retreat and amazingly, as the weeks went by and my body felt stronger and stronger, I felt lighter and lighter.

This past year of my life has had so many ups and downs; it has been so incredibly wonderful and so incredibly difficult all at once. Over and over again, I have questioned my decision to move to South America but every time those doubts creep in, I keep hearing our yoga teacher's voice, loud and clear: 

Take the leap and the net will appear.

So here I am, leaping. I'm terrified of falling but maybe, just maybe, I will learn how to fly.