Staying in the fire

"Don't be so scared." My new yoga teacher is encouraging me to stretch my boundaries and take more risks. "Allow me", he says and pulls me up into the tallest shoulder stand that I have ever been in. "If we don't know what's going to happen", he addresses the other students in the room while holding onto my legs, "why should we worry?" With my feet in the air, my head on the ground and my balance a bit wobbly, this seems easier said than done, but I allow the thought to simmer. 

I have been in Seville, the heart of Spain and the birthplace of flamenco, for about two months now and I live on a charming little street called "Sol" (the Spanish word for 'sun'), although sometimes I think I may actually be living on the Sun. Temperatures rise to nearly +40C every day and the only way to put up with the heat is to adapt the Spanish lifestyle of drinking ice-cold Sangria on one of the many terraces in the city and to swing a fan while staying in the shade.

My street. Also, there is a church in every corner of Seville. 

One day, when I was walking home, i.e. towards the tiny little room where I keep my tiny little suitcase, I got lost. This is not unusual in Seville, as the streets here form a maze impossible to orientate unless you have a very good sense of direction. I have no such sense. With no mountains to turn to for guidance, I have lost my stable base in life and often feel like I belong nowhere. I am constantly stumbling and tripping over and looking for something or someone to call home. 

Plaza de España - the Spanish square

Typical Sevillan street. Always empty during siesta-time.

Anyway. There I was, somewhere in the middle of Seville, dehydrated and dizzy from the heat, when I noticed a sign saying "This is your home for the summer!" As I approached, I found that the sign belonged to a yoga studio and just then, one of their teachers walked by, patted me on the shoulder and held the door wide open: "Come in," he said and I entered. 

Now, for the past six months or so, I have told anyone who wants to listen that it is my dream to someday become a yoga therapist, in order to give back and help others who are struggling with physical or mental disorders. So you can imagine my surprise when, back home, I googled the yoga studio and learned that they are experts on yoga therapy. Furthermore, they offer a yoga instructor training starting in October and finishing in June next year. It seems like too much of a coincidence so, without any idea of how I'm going to pay for it, I have signed up and been accepted on the course. 

It is not going to be easy. On top of committing to a daily practice, the whole course will be in Spanish and I am going to have to study and work hard, however, this is the only thing that I am remotely interested in. I have lost some of my appetite for life (and food) after too many ups and downs, but perhaps this new test of endurance will bring my zest back. As far as food is concerned, I am thankful that Spain is the land of tapas, meaning one can eat as little, or as much, as one prefers. I quite like a tapa of spinach and chickpeas so I live on that (and ice-cream). 

This summer in Seville has also reminded me of the Indian term "tapas", which originates from ancient literature and has nothing to do with food. It is a concept of perseverance and heat, referring to the intensity that sets psychological processes on fire and helps us preserve the discipline required for change. Sometimes, staying in the fire and putting up with the intensity is necessary for the sake of transformation, which is also true of the yoga classes that I now go to every week. There are fans on the ceiling of the studio but no air-conditioning and still unsure of what my body is capable of, I am constantly struggling between pushing myself and respecting my limits on the mat. 

If I truly want to become a good yoga therapist (and I do), I need to learn to listen to my own body first. I need to learn to see and take care of others, as well as myself, the way that we all deserve to be seen and taken care of. Meanwhile, the Amazon rainforest is going up in flames and although it may seem coincidental, nothing is random. We are all made of the same elements and when the lungs of the Earth are burning, it affects everything and everyone. Hopefully, this urgent situation will bring about a positive change, making us more aware and more adept at looking after each other and our planet, our one and only home.